Fear Factor - Oysters

On my quest to try new experiences in order to step out of my round life existence, I tried something last night that I have secretly always wanted to eat but struggled with the thought that might kill me. No, I'm not taking about endless bacon cheeseburgers that would lead to a heart attack someday. I'm taking about fresh oysters!



I have seen people eat them in movies. I have heard the rumors of a romantic element to eating them with a loved one. But I have also heard about the trips to the emergency room and let's face it, oysters don't look as yummy as cherry cheesecake.



I think the average person will stay clear of oysters. Or at least everyone I have been at restaurants with have never wanted to try it with me so I always lost my nerve. But last night I ate at McGraths http://www.mcgrathsfishhouse.com/ with my friends Nancy and Darla. My heart skipped a beat when Nancy ordered their Fresh Shucked Oysters on the Half Shell.



I finally got to try one. I took a deep breath and went for it. I thought it would be gross. I thought I would gag. I thought it would taste weird. None of the above. The oyster didn't live up to it's hype. Other than the piece of shell I spit out, it was uneventful. It was the fear factor that had prevented me from trying these years ago.

I have many things in my round life that are influenced by a "fear factor" but if I can conquer oysters, I think I'm on track to a new life. However I'm still a work-in-progress as I was very aware of my stomach, many hours after dinner as I was sure the evening was going to end up at the ER.

Signing off with less fears than yesterday,

Jessie

Feeling Fancy and Stupid....Salumi

I don't have many opportunities to eat at fancy restaurants; My round body is comprised of food fast and chips, not steaks and wines. So it was a rare treat to eat with some friends at Aquariva Italian Kitchen and Wine Bar www.aquarivaportland.com

The location has great views, no complaints about service, but the menu was like trying to read a foreign language. I swear I was unaware of an entire food group because I couldn't identify half the food ingredients.

I thought I would play it safe with a salad. There was a chopped salad that I could identify all the ingredients but "salumi" which I thought was a typo for "salami". Even though it's childish, I was giddy that even though I might be out of my element, even the best could make typos.

As the waiter walked around the table, I started to dread that salumi could be some kind of fish. Eating a chopped up fish salad sounded gross. Even though I knew I was exposing myself as a drive-by-fancy-restaurant-eater, I asked for reassurance that it was a typo.

Nope. It was really "salumi", which is salami made in Seattle. I ordered the salad but couldn't let the thought go that if it was salami, why not call it that? Was the food company trying to be clever? Was it a clever way to charge more for the same product? In the end - it tasted the same but it wasn't worth the egg on my face to discovery the true nature of the "u".

If you are curious, I got to sample a few other things:

• The lighter portion of the Alaskan Scallops is only *scallop* (eat before you come)
• The Gnocchi was seasoned with "sand", very crunchy.
• The french fries were awesome! (in fairness, I have never had a bad fry)

So I got my round self away from TV dinners, put on a dress, and spent a lot of money on small portion food. It was a fun evening but for now, I'm going to stick with foods I can identify and afford!

I blame the Economy

One of my excuses for never working out was a lack of time. Thank goodness that unemployment cured me of that "problem". Since I like being effecient, I thought I could accomplish two things by buying a bike:
1) Get exercise
2) Save money on gas.

I bought a bike that was within my means and beamed with satisifaction that I was so brilliant (rare moments must be celebrated). My goal would be to ride my bike to places within a few miles of my home. Since I live in a big city, that meant pretty much everywhere. In the process, I would get in shape and help the environment. Why hadn't more people thought of this?? Now I know ...

On a Friday afternoon, I planned on meeting some friends at a local bookstore. This was the perfect opportunity to ride my bike. The first few pedals were magical and then I changed the gear. Nothing happened. I switched the gears to left and right. The bike made a lot of noise but no matter how hard I rode the bike, it was the same amount of energy. Since I was at the start of my journey, I thought I could push forward and enjoy the extra calories I was burning.

Then the first car passed me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack as the car's close proximity created a lot of wind in my direction and a shiver up my spin. Within five minutes, two cars almost hit me . My heart was racing faster from thinking that I was going to die rather than the exercise of riding a bike.

I got off the main road and tried a side street. With just my luck, I passed a high school as they were letting out the students. Zig zagging my crappy bike past annoyed teenagers bought me straight back to high school,the low self esteem and reflections on much of the root cause for my weight gain in the first place.

I was at the half way point. I didn't want to turn back but riding my bike didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. I got back on the main streets but I didn't want to die so I rode the sidewalks. I knew it was illegal but just as I was thinking that I would prefer a ticket to death, I see a cop car coming my direction. I jumped off my bike. I waved to the confused cops while walking my bike the rest of the journey.

My great idea became a pathetic scene. I couldn't get myself back on the bike; cars (and crazy drivers) were clearly trying to kill me, even though I was a huge target and wouldn't be hard to miss. In the end, I burnt more calories (and gas) trying to get the stupid bike into the car and return the store.

Signing off - trying to come up with Plan B!
Jessie

I blame the Olympics

It's odd timing to lose your job during the Olympics as you feel dread for the state of the economy while bursting with patriotric pride for our athletes. Thanks to TIVO, I watched every single segment and I daydreamed that I could find a way to be an Assistant Sports Psychologist like Stephen Colbert http://www.colbertnation.com/special/colbert-vancouver-games Then I realized that I was thinking bronze and not gold. Why was my dream to attend the events but not actually participate in a sport? This was clearly Round stinking thinking.


So I was determine to do something active in the snow, even if it was just sliding on a trash bag down a hill, like I did as a child. There were several obstacles in my way. First, I live in Portland, Oregon and it snows every decade or so. Second, I had never attempted any snow sports. Third, I didn't have any snow gear. All of these excuses were very convenient in the past to give up my Thin goals but I was bleased with unemployment and thus time on my hands.

What is a good snow activity for round people?

Skiing? I have no dreams to be the next Lindsey Vonn http://www.facebook.com/LindseyVonnUSA and I could only see myself having an Petra Majdic accident http://www.thedailybeast.com/video/item/olympics-petra-majdic-gets-injured-skiing/ No Thank you.

Snowboarding? I watched Shawn White 's Gold Metal Run a million times http://www.shaunwhite.com/ but there was no way my round body was going to fly in the air without landing on my face or worse.

Bobsled/Skeleton/Luge: Even if there was a luge track in Portland, after the shocking death of Nodar Kumaritashvili http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheat-sheet/item/georgian-luger-feared-olympic-track/scary/ (and even more shocking that NBC aired his actual death moment - don't get me started on that), these sports will never be on my bucket list.

I felt there was only one thing left -- TUBING. Yes, it's not an olympic sport but it was a snow activity so it counts!

Mt Hood Skibowl said that they offered tubing http://www.skibowl.com/tubing2.htm Since I have never been to Mt Hood, I didn't realize it was like traveling to another county. I set off for an adventure, armored with borrowed winter clothes from round friends who tried skiing once and never went back and joined by a friend who came to visit me for a relaxing weekend, only to find herself on a two-hour drive to the mountains.

There are a few things you should know (and I wish I did) if you want to go tubing:

1) About 10 miles away from your destination, there will be flashing signs that you can't go further without snow tires or chains. I had neither, only stupidity (or stubborness) that I had driven that far and wasn't going to turn back, because there wasn't even freaking snow on the road. I had AAA and I thought it might be time to get my membership payment's worth of usage.

2) The first Mt Hood Stop is not where they have the tubing. I walked around until i found a shop. Even with 4 employees, they couldn't see my round self for 10 minutes as they did everything else but customer service. My friend finally found a map and saw a tubing sign nowhere near the "you are here" sign, which was finally confirmed by an evasdropping employee "you are in the wrong place"... truer words never spoken.

3) There is something about parking. I still have no idea what they are talking about but you need special parking. So between my lack of snow tires and no special parking permit, I was sure my car was going to get towed away but I was at the point of no return.

So they put the tubing section far away from the skiers (I can only assume to avoid crashes). The only time I really thought about turning around was the last turn. The roads were actually covered in snow/ice and I had to cross a bridge to reach my final destination. I was *so* close. I did a lot of praying/swearing/repeat and made it to the destination.


I have come to the conclusion that these ski resorts are for people who have already done it before. There is no useful information for first-time visitors. It didn't take long to figure out that we were the only adults there, not accompanied by children and certainly the roundest people but I was past the point of caring. I only wanted to slide down the hill once and go back to my round life.


Then I tubed down the hill. Oh. My. God. It was amazing! There are not many opportunities for round people to do outdoor activities and ....wait for it... to do it *well*. Guess what? The added weight was to my *advantage*. I not only flew down the hill, I hit the freaking safety net!

For the next two hours, I had the best time doing a physical activity, seriously. I raced with my friend and actually won a few races (even though she cheated on the final race...). They have a pulley machine that rides you on your tube up the hill and then you just slide down the hill at top speeds.

Why didn't I do this before? Tubing is a best kept secret. It's cheap ($15 dollars for two hours). It's fun and you feel like a kid. It's totally worth the drive and the adventure of having to figure out how it works and what to do by yourself. I'm going back --- and I'm bringing a lot of round friends!

Et Tu Donna?

Yesterday, I finally started my dream blog for round people to question whether or not the THIN have all the answers. This morning, I was knocked off my high horse. Not even 24 hours later, I was watching the news about a woman - the Ying to my Yang - and her quest to gain weight.

Millions of people are gaining weight everyday and they don't make the nightly news. This is different because she is intentionally doing it! She is not emotional eating, regretting it later, swearing to never do it again. Nope, she did it on purpose and is loving each and every calorie.

Meet Donna Simpson. She is 600 pounds and trying to gain 400 pounds on freaking purpose. (Source: http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/600-pound-woman-eating-her-way-to-dubious-distinction/19399734) Everyone is shocked. THIN can't believe she doesn't want to be one of them. Round people can't understand why she doesn't hate her ever increasing waistline. What is this skinny world coming too?

I may be the only person who wasn't shocked to see a round person trying to make sense of her situation in a skinny world. I just couldn't believe she spends $750 dollars on groceries a week? What a powerful message to send about round people - we are single handedly keeping the grocery industry alive in this economy. Seriously? I would love to have $750 dollars a month on groceries.

Well Donna - we are heading in different directions, who will get their first? who will be happy? Since I'm clearly rooting for myself, it seems that I still have the THIN dream alive inside this round body.

Signing off as a work-in-progress,
Jessie

The Ides of March - May it have better luck for me than Caesar

There is a certain irony that I'm starting my blog on the Ides of March. It was painful for Caesar but I'm hoping to spare myself his fate as I begin this Skinny World, Fat Chick blog - my sanctuary for round people.

Millions of dollars are spent each year on trying to get into shape and yet obesity isn't slowing down. If there is so much effort spent on losing weight, why are we failing? For most of my life, I answered that question with the thought that just crossed your mind - I failed. I didn't stick to the "plan". I gave up. It was all my freaking fault. Now, pass the ice cream.

Since diet solutions seem so easy, it clearly must my fault. Then a thought hit me - what if THIN has no idea what its like to be FAT? This revelation pushed me to create this blog about my big secret - I don't want to be fat (seriously, what little girl dreamt of growing up to the person that has to buy two plane tickets to ride an airplane?). Every Monday, I'm going to try (again) to lose the weight, based on advice from those wonderful skinny people but if the diet, exercise, product or recipe doesn't work, I'm going to spill all over this blog, like syrup on pancakes.

Put down the knifes. Put down the ice cream spoons. Join me on a journey to find out if there are any skinny people out there who have an actual plan to take a chuck of obesity, instead of just our wallets.

See you next Monday,
Jessie