Feeling Fancy and Stupid....Salumi

I don't have many opportunities to eat at fancy restaurants; My round body is comprised of food fast and chips, not steaks and wines. So it was a rare treat to eat with some friends at Aquariva Italian Kitchen and Wine Bar www.aquarivaportland.com

The location has great views, no complaints about service, but the menu was like trying to read a foreign language. I swear I was unaware of an entire food group because I couldn't identify half the food ingredients.

I thought I would play it safe with a salad. There was a chopped salad that I could identify all the ingredients but "salumi" which I thought was a typo for "salami". Even though it's childish, I was giddy that even though I might be out of my element, even the best could make typos.

As the waiter walked around the table, I started to dread that salumi could be some kind of fish. Eating a chopped up fish salad sounded gross. Even though I knew I was exposing myself as a drive-by-fancy-restaurant-eater, I asked for reassurance that it was a typo.

Nope. It was really "salumi", which is salami made in Seattle. I ordered the salad but couldn't let the thought go that if it was salami, why not call it that? Was the food company trying to be clever? Was it a clever way to charge more for the same product? In the end - it tasted the same but it wasn't worth the egg on my face to discovery the true nature of the "u".

If you are curious, I got to sample a few other things:

• The lighter portion of the Alaskan Scallops is only *scallop* (eat before you come)
• The Gnocchi was seasoned with "sand", very crunchy.
• The french fries were awesome! (in fairness, I have never had a bad fry)

So I got my round self away from TV dinners, put on a dress, and spent a lot of money on small portion food. It was a fun evening but for now, I'm going to stick with foods I can identify and afford!