I blame the Olympics

It's odd timing to lose your job during the Olympics as you feel dread for the state of the economy while bursting with patriotric pride for our athletes. Thanks to TIVO, I watched every single segment and I daydreamed that I could find a way to be an Assistant Sports Psychologist like Stephen Colbert http://www.colbertnation.com/special/colbert-vancouver-games Then I realized that I was thinking bronze and not gold. Why was my dream to attend the events but not actually participate in a sport? This was clearly Round stinking thinking.


So I was determine to do something active in the snow, even if it was just sliding on a trash bag down a hill, like I did as a child. There were several obstacles in my way. First, I live in Portland, Oregon and it snows every decade or so. Second, I had never attempted any snow sports. Third, I didn't have any snow gear. All of these excuses were very convenient in the past to give up my Thin goals but I was bleased with unemployment and thus time on my hands.

What is a good snow activity for round people?

Skiing? I have no dreams to be the next Lindsey Vonn http://www.facebook.com/LindseyVonnUSA and I could only see myself having an Petra Majdic accident http://www.thedailybeast.com/video/item/olympics-petra-majdic-gets-injured-skiing/ No Thank you.

Snowboarding? I watched Shawn White 's Gold Metal Run a million times http://www.shaunwhite.com/ but there was no way my round body was going to fly in the air without landing on my face or worse.

Bobsled/Skeleton/Luge: Even if there was a luge track in Portland, after the shocking death of Nodar Kumaritashvili http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheat-sheet/item/georgian-luger-feared-olympic-track/scary/ (and even more shocking that NBC aired his actual death moment - don't get me started on that), these sports will never be on my bucket list.

I felt there was only one thing left -- TUBING. Yes, it's not an olympic sport but it was a snow activity so it counts!

Mt Hood Skibowl said that they offered tubing http://www.skibowl.com/tubing2.htm Since I have never been to Mt Hood, I didn't realize it was like traveling to another county. I set off for an adventure, armored with borrowed winter clothes from round friends who tried skiing once and never went back and joined by a friend who came to visit me for a relaxing weekend, only to find herself on a two-hour drive to the mountains.

There are a few things you should know (and I wish I did) if you want to go tubing:

1) About 10 miles away from your destination, there will be flashing signs that you can't go further without snow tires or chains. I had neither, only stupidity (or stubborness) that I had driven that far and wasn't going to turn back, because there wasn't even freaking snow on the road. I had AAA and I thought it might be time to get my membership payment's worth of usage.

2) The first Mt Hood Stop is not where they have the tubing. I walked around until i found a shop. Even with 4 employees, they couldn't see my round self for 10 minutes as they did everything else but customer service. My friend finally found a map and saw a tubing sign nowhere near the "you are here" sign, which was finally confirmed by an evasdropping employee "you are in the wrong place"... truer words never spoken.

3) There is something about parking. I still have no idea what they are talking about but you need special parking. So between my lack of snow tires and no special parking permit, I was sure my car was going to get towed away but I was at the point of no return.

So they put the tubing section far away from the skiers (I can only assume to avoid crashes). The only time I really thought about turning around was the last turn. The roads were actually covered in snow/ice and I had to cross a bridge to reach my final destination. I was *so* close. I did a lot of praying/swearing/repeat and made it to the destination.


I have come to the conclusion that these ski resorts are for people who have already done it before. There is no useful information for first-time visitors. It didn't take long to figure out that we were the only adults there, not accompanied by children and certainly the roundest people but I was past the point of caring. I only wanted to slide down the hill once and go back to my round life.


Then I tubed down the hill. Oh. My. God. It was amazing! There are not many opportunities for round people to do outdoor activities and ....wait for it... to do it *well*. Guess what? The added weight was to my *advantage*. I not only flew down the hill, I hit the freaking safety net!

For the next two hours, I had the best time doing a physical activity, seriously. I raced with my friend and actually won a few races (even though she cheated on the final race...). They have a pulley machine that rides you on your tube up the hill and then you just slide down the hill at top speeds.

Why didn't I do this before? Tubing is a best kept secret. It's cheap ($15 dollars for two hours). It's fun and you feel like a kid. It's totally worth the drive and the adventure of having to figure out how it works and what to do by yourself. I'm going back --- and I'm bringing a lot of round friends!